I murdered the dance floor call the cops
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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