i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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