Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
