yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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