You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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