Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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