i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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