Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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