May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
