Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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