seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need to calm my uterus...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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