I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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