one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
