Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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