Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My penis needs a shock collar
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
