Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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