i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
