I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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