LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
