At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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