I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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