You're my little dorito
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
