Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
