i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
