i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
