someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
