And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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