I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
