She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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