Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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