If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
