What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
