his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I touched a dick in church today
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
