playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
