FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
