So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
