I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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