my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize