Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize