Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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