I can text with my tongue
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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