lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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