perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
