I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
