i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
