there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
