I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
