literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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