You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
