i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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