i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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