God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
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Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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