do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
