If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
