im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
