Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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