Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize