then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
well you can't waste a boner
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
