I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
