i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
