these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He passed out mid-signature
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
