So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
