Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
