I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I am morally bankrupt
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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