I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
they need to just BURY HIM!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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