I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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