Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize