I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
