Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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