Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
