Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
