We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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