So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it's like iHOP with fire
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
