Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
