That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
