i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
