he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
