so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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