its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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