Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
