Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
