Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why did my mother make you get naked?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
