I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
