are you still at the devil's house?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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