All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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