i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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