tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
