I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
