just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
