it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
